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Archive for the ‘I did some research’ Category

Because f**k you, I have insomnia. Also, a temperature of 38,5 degrees Celsius. And, while thinking about some totally unrelated problems, such as the Voyinich Manuscript I understood that gaming has made me a better person. I’ve learned things which I wouldn’t know otherwise, and I would be a much less of an asshole and than I am now, if not for the occasional desire to slaughter virtual zombie-nazi-mutants or just defeat an opponent in Warhammer. Yes, I’m not just speaking about video games here. And, again, this is mostly bullshit, spawned from my ill head. Because f**k you.

10.  Math is power! 

Tovarisch Stalin Approves!

“But Torq”, you might ask, “you’re a philosophy student, and you also play games. Now, what is this heresy?” It’s very simple actually. Grab a random gamer and ask why, for instance, a Dark Eldar Kabalite Warrior is a much better troops choice than Slaanesh Chaos Space Marine in WH40K? Or, why Lightning Bolt is a much better M:TG card than Volcanic Hammer. Or, why you should use Laser Rifles over much stronger Plasma Rifles in X-Com? The answer is basically the same: They are much more cost effective. You get a bigger bang for your buck, thus owning the n00b and being competitive in the tournament scene. And, as every part of gaming is [sarcasm]serious business [/sarcasm] and if you do want to get that first place of whatever, because whatever, you start to calculate these things. You learn to manage and optimize your resources. And to calculate your chances. Woe betide the wargamer who doesn’t use statistics to his advantage. For 16 points, he gets a marine with a 43% chance to kill a Guardsman in a single shot. For 5 points per piece, I get a dude with a 5% chance of killing the said marine. But hey, I get 3 shots! And he only has a chance to kill 33% of his points per shot…besides, my guys get better, when their chances are calculated when evening the shots out against a different opponent, say Eldar. …and so it goes. In everything. All the time. If I wouldn’t be a gamer, I’m sure, I’d be a much less responsible person now, concerning money and expenses. But then again, I wouldn’t spend the said money on my plastic cocaine, so go figure. (Mmmm….plastic cocaine.)

9. Losing is FUN!

I've played dwarf fortress, and this is NOTHING in comparison...

Let’s face it, we’re goddamn masochists; “You WILL lose!” is a good thing to hear in a game review for our wicked minds, and when we hear phrases like that, something smiles within us, contemplating all the nice hardcore enjoyment we shall receive by getting smashed to pieces by that unfair Crysallid in the terror mission or those cheating Germans with their tanks, or those damn Space Wolves with their Longfangs, or my IG with my bassie, or Dwarf Fortress with…well, in this game, unfair EVERYTHING. Because losing is FUN! Actually, most fun comes from not losing anymore, but…until then, you torture yourself by doing things again. And again. And again. Rage ensues, and you die again. Then, there are those games who make you think that you’ve gotten better, but then – you die. Ad nauseam. And then…you stop dying. Or don’t. Because it’s….FUN! And do you think that a person who’s completed Terror from the Deep on Veteran difficulty level will stop being awesome when such puny things such as getting his skull broken and hearing nerve damaged and nearly dying from this and then lying in the hospital for two weeks and having to write graduation exams just the day he got out of the said hospital? F**K NO! Because LOSING IS FUN! Really, gamers can endure anything you toss at them. And then some.

8. Luck is what you make of it.

Nothing can roll so much 1's than the guys who need 2 or more to survive.

Some of you might think that this should be combined with the previous part. But no. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. BIG NO. You lose, when the game is cheating. When you’re doing something wrong. When the opponent is cheating, but no. This time, you made your army roster perfectly. Your deck is ideal. Your strategy – impossible to defend against. Your character – minmaxed to impossibility. And then, you roll a 1. Nine times in a row. And the person who’s obviously weaker, manages to win. That’s…just…NOT…fair anymore. But, as Wizards of the Coast spokesperson Mark Gottlieb once wrote in his House of Cards column: “There are games you cannot lose, there are games you cannot win, and those which can go either way, depending on the way you play. Once you learn to differ between them, you start to understand which are the ones you should care about.” And so we do. Luck…is just that. Luck. And there is no sense of complaining about it. And that’s what games taught me: Maximize what you can, even if you cannot win. Because doing everything to win is much more effective in the long term than winning in any given game. Including life.

7.  Style is important.

Two cars, two girls. If i have to explain further, then you are an idiot.

Victorian era? Awesome! Stylish mafia clothing? EPIC! Pirates? Yarr! Space knights with psypowers mixed with gigant robots of doom and destruction? ZOMGWIN! People like cool things. And beautiful things. Why do you think Global Agenda guys buy dyes for their equipment and why Warhammer guys paint their miniatures like maniacs. (Except me, I suck at painting.) And why did i enjoy the latest Alice game so much? Gaming, in a very weird way, has raised my aesthetical standards…and, although, I can’t speak about all the guys out there, it’s a weird stereotype that we’re fat, ugly people who dwell at basements and don’t take care of ourselves. What, I just spent two hours getting that awesome looking armor, what do you think, that I won’t wear my suit and a fedora hat, trying to look as fancy as I possibly can? Why, you are mistaken, good Sir! Yes, there is a reason why all the wargamers in my store use this form of adressing their opponents. Because good sirs we are. And we like to be such. Why? Because why the hell not? Pretty is cool. P.S. Thought it  would be bad, not to give some credit here. All the legal rights of the photo on the right belong to my coursemate, Zane Lodiņa, from whose frype profile it was blatantly stolen. But hey, any publicity is good, right?

6. Taking yourself too seriously is a bad thing.

And when I decided to go to the store, I had a nice evening with Cthulhu and Pinhead. Nice fellows, those two.

Actually, everything’s funny. As I’ve got told in my psychoanalysis lecture: In those societies where you can’t laugh about something, you, most likely, can’t cry about something as well. Basically, if something is so sacred as to not be made fun of, then don’t expect that you’ll be able to complain it about that as well. Hey, I’m a christian, and I love that Cyborg-Ninja-Zombie Jesus idea. It’s fun. And so is gaming. Whether you’re Abbaddon, destroyer of worlds or Vault Dweller, Messiah of the Wastes or whatever, really…those games who forget that they are just games and are there for a) art and  b) entertainment and try to be ultra-uuber serious just get annoying. Deus Ex, for example. It was a serious game, with a deep storyline and a huge moral value, talking about political responsibility and values of democracy, quite possibly like no commercially produced computer game before. And it didn’t even take itself serious – it had easter eggs, dark humour and everything a man needs to get a couple of hours of a good entertainment. And why should we be any different? We’re gaming, we’re gamers, in a way, we complete the game itself – for it is only completed, if there’s anybody playing it. So why bother. I am not a clever man. I’m a funny person with a lot of socially unacceptable quirks. Also, ducks. Ducks are fun too.

5. There will be bugs.

Unfortunately, this isn't a bug.

The first time in my life when I’ll see a game which, upon release, isn’t haunted by ridiculous bugs, I’ll shave my head and buy all my readers a box of their favorite beer. The first time when I’ll see something which isn’t riddled with incompetence, laziness and idiocy, I’ll accidentally myself, because es no posible, es ist nicht möglich, non est possibile, это невозможно and It’s not possible in any other language imaginable. But gamers are prepared for this. Because something will always lag (loading times…and frame rate) and sometimes, NO GODDAMN PC on the world will be able to run the game smoothly. (Civ V before the patches. Even Alienware PC’s were lagging on large maps in lategame.) Therefore…well, who am I to remind you that the real life has no beta-test.

4. Teamwork is essential.

I play a Demoman. I'm a black scottish cyclops, and nobody loves me.

There are those times in the Free-For-All servers when you just kill everyone. There are the honourable duels in any game, when skill is all that matters. And there are those days when someone must play the healer. When you’re on a domination map, and you win by points, and not by an individual frag count. When your tank is failing, and you yell at him, because your DPS mage is being whacked. And then…you play an engineer in Team Fortress 2. See, it’s TEAM fortress. And when you’re in a Team, everything changes. If you’re a good player, you will be respected, and, in spite of the traditional syndrome of everyone on your team (whatever you do – not limited to, but including, gaming) being a clumsy failbag and not doing their job well, you will try to do as much as you can to make sure you support your team members and are, like in the picture above, a credit to the team. This leads to me, not understanding the people for whom it’s hard to cooperate with someone else when doing something. Because it’s just natural. Like…YOU’RE THE TANK! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NOT THE ONE, ABSORBING ALL THE DAMAGE FROM THE DRAGON! BAH!

3. Being good gives you more experience points

But don't forget: Good is not nice.

Everyone who’s played a RPG game know that the evil choices give you more monetary rewards and immediate gains, but the good choices give you more XP. Somehow, it’s built in all of them. Hell, it’s so important that even the 6th HoMM will have a morale system – blood and tears they call it. (As if making someone cry wasn’t bad. Go figure.) The bad part is, you can get the gear in other ways than quest rewards, such as…stealing it? (Fallout 1 & 2 didn’t carry any penalties for stealing…so…yeah, you did all the good quests, but stole everything. Which…wasn’t evil, for some reason.) Anyhow, as XP has always been more important than gear, in my eyes, at least, the fact that I am a gamer taught me that being good is beneficial to all, in the long term. And gives you experience. Which is more valuable than anything you can by for puny zorkmids.

2. Sanity is for the weak.

Picture is unrelated

What is this heresy? Orange muffins of doom? Why, yes, rabbit of total carnage, I accept your demands, and will trade this world domination for your fluffy loaded dice! In short – RULE OF COOL! Also…if i can will it, it must be true! Games are fun, because they’re abstract. Because they are more interesting than real life. Because they don’t care about the sanity, and you, basically, just click buttons for three hours, because the flickering images on your monitor made you so. And…the point is? Is there a goal? Why, in games there is! We spend hours, upon hours upon hours doing seemingly pointless things, to achieve seemingly pointless goals. And we do things which seem like hard work and make our achievements in gaming mean something. Because it does. Games force us to think outside of the box. Games force us to think…different. (Better than nike commercials) – and now and then, the truly indie ones actually take the matter deeper, and actually make weird things happen to our minds…but that’s ok….after i finished fallout three, i spent a night, reading german grammatics and writing my top10 relationship things. Because. Oh, wait…that brings me to number one. Thank you for the tea, rabbit. Your box is in that corner, thank you.

1. Because f**k you!

Truth. In a neat packaging.

We play games, because they are fun. In games, you can do whatever. You have the power of whatever. And it’s fun. It’s much better than the routine. But sitting and rolling dice and/or sitting next to a PC is dumb. So, I spent a night in front of my university, camping in line to get the #1 number. It doesn’t matter, except pointless bragging rights and high-score in life. Which is pointless to “serious” people. But hell, that was fun. I spoke with tourists, with the police…awesome. Also, I’ve lived together for two weeks in an apartment with 30 metalheads, who, at one point, decided to just go out in the streets and punch the hell out of douchebags. And so we did. Also, I’ve hitchhiked in the middle of the night from one side of my country to the other. And driven with drunk drivers. I’ve spoken, together with my friends, at about 2am in the night, in the center of the old Riga with an old, drunk Latvian language teacher about life. Have saved the life of a crazed bum, and then he called me “the savior of the world” – and spend a night in an abandoned hospital. My life has, probably, been shitty. Yet…it IS FUN! Because I make it so. Games inspired me. And so should you. And you know why?

Because the sky is blue, motherfuckers!

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I have Kontrust – Vodka, Tribe and Dynamite playing in my earphones (I love you, guys! ^_^) and i’m ready to do some funny tutorials again. People around me have proven that it is necessary to explain some basics of how-not-to-fail-at whatever. (I’m speaking about you, bro, Kristen and certain dude with afro hair!) So, without further ado, here are, in my not so humble opinion, top 10 things people tend to to completely wrong when trying to get a date/get laid/have a stable relationship. And i’m not discriminating, no – we all make fuck-up’s. Besides, most of this comes, unfortunately, from personal experience.

10. People are too shy.

You do not want to be like this...


Now and then, people ask me how should they go and find a date.  That’s perfectly normal, as you all know i can’t shut up anyways, so i just give the said advice. But when a person is SO worried that i have to log on to his facebook account to invite a girl to be his friend, and then, help him start conversations with her…when bloody people are so shy, they’re seriously jumping out of their pants whenever a female person approaches…that’s insanity, men! And women! Bloody hell, if you’re a woman, and you like someone, just go and say it to the said male. I’m pretty sure that most non-gay men, reading my blog would agree that there’s nothing to be afraid of. For one, that would give you bonus points and would be fun!

What some of these men don’t understand, though is that this thing about just speaking with someone works both ways. I mean, even if you do not want anything with a person who has asked you out, it still is pleasant to be asked out for a date. Hearing compliments was also nice, last time i checked. And even if you go on a date, and it doesn’t work out for you, the time spent doing some fun stuff wasn’t that bad, was it? Simply put, if you’re trying to do a nice thing to a person, you shouldn’t expect that they’ll run after you with a sharp stick or a gun or something so horrendous, Cthulhu would be scared. Most likely, worst case is – they’ll say “No, but thank’s for asking!”  That won’t crush your lives, unless you’re a 15-year-old socially awkward person with humongous brain damage issues. Or Justin Bieber, who needs to write a shitty song afterwards.

Being shy, often causes people to commit another grave mistake…and this CAN end badly….

9. People act desperate.

"Ladies, ladies, i understand, but seriously, this is my wife's funeral, FFS!"

It’s hard to tell a person with some emotional problems that sometimes, it’s just not right to even try to do something. This is connected to shyness in the way of people, trying to do things with other people they know quite closely, in the VERY wrong moments, because, in their own deranged minds, it is easier for them, than just do something original.

I just re-read the previous sentence. This needs an example, or you’ll think i’m a crazed lunatic myself. (HAHA, DISREGARD THAT, I’M MAD AS A MUFFIN!) Well, for one, my little brother has asked me permission to date TWO of my ex-gf’s already. Next time, some bones WILL be broken. See where i’m going? Also, from my part, asking girls out – fine.  Asking girls out the very day you’ve been dumped to feel better – NOT fine. (Sorry… ^_^’) On the female part: Crazed males can be annoying, but we get better, if you just let our heads cool down. And don’t look so pretty when we’re desperate! I’m serious, there’s some sort of a weird law of nature that all girls become prettier, proportionally to the amount of time, you’ve spent without one. I’m sure that the world is much more beautiful for monks & prisoners! (Or…maybe not. Don’t pick up the soap, lads!)

8. People believe stereotypes.

Women aren't bad at math. I'm bad at making captions!

This one is really, REALLY important. Women are nor stupid, nor irrational. You know, they study the same things we do, and often put a lot more effort in it than us. As blatant as it seems, it still is a prevailing stereotype among men, and i’m expecting some flames in the comment section. And i know at least TWO people, who, when reading this, will think that i’m doing this just to get laid.  But no, men don’t think about sex all the time. And we’re not emotionless freaks. For one, when i drink beer with my pals, most of the time we blother about philosophy and warfare. Seriously. I could go on and on, but probably everything you know is wrong. Sure, there are jerks and whores, yet – who cares. Trust me, life has proven again and again, that ALL people are actually nice and caring, if you get past the natural privacy shell, and our needs are not so far apart. Now, would you like to date a girl who cares only about the size of your wallet and penis? (And that’s another stereotype – you do know that it’s really bad and hurts them, if it’s too big, and you’re not careful, do you?) Well, if you don’t want such a woman, then stop thinking that they’re all dumb as hell and stop staring at their breasts!

Just a thing to add: If you’re a female person, who’s reading this – unless you’re terribly obese, YOU ARE NOT TOO FAT! That’s the most irritating thing I’ve ever heard from a woman! Although, it is a reason to give out a compliment, it shouldn’t be used for anything else than gaining the said compliment. It’s not about kilos, it’s about how you present them 😉 Also, it’s a well known truth among men than only beautiful girls think they are too fat – the ugly and REALLY fat one’s don’t bother worrying. So, quite probably, you’re completely fine!

7.  People stop trying.

Answer: Men do.

I don’t even want to start about this one. I’ve heard whines by the millions that “zomg, she was soooo pretty when we started dating, but now she doesn’t take care of herself!” – Sure, we all want our partners to stay as beautiful as they were. Notice how i say: Partners, not women. Most likely, after those couple of dates where you tried your arse off to be the prettiest and the most awesome dude ever, you too stopped trying that hard. After all, you got the girl, now you can relax? Well, by doing so, you become someone who’s not worth looking beautiful for. We all want to be proud of our significant others. This has cost me a serious relationship, guys, so listen up: get yourself a suit. That favourite t-shirt? It has to go. Your funky pants? Ugly as shit. If you want your partner to be as beautiful as the first time you saw her/him, you have to be as beautiful as well.

Like a friend of mine, Izaak, writes on his messenger contacts: “You deserve everything that’s happening to you.” I couldn’t say it better than him, really.

6. People mistake care for control.

..not really, just one boozehound getting what's coming for him.

As much as I hate it, i’ll have to (albeit liberally) quote an ex of mine – but what she said encompassed the problem and made it clear for me at that time (Unfortunately, i got dumped then. Oh well, shit happens), and i hope it’ll explain some things for you as well.

“Once upon a time, there lived a knight. He had a nice shining armor and a sword. He slayed the dragon, got the princess and they lived happily ever after. Unfortunately, in their kingdom, there happened to be a time when another dragon arrived. So, the knight took his sword and went on to kill the said dragon. But the princess loved the knight, and she didn’t want the knight to get harmed. So, she recommended the knight to take a shield with him this time. And so he did. After a while, another dragon arrived. This time, bigger and scarier. Knight picked up the sword, the shield too, this time – but the princess, seeing as the dragon was just HUGE, thought that a shield will not be enough. So, she told the knight that this time, maybe he should use a magical axe instead of a sword. So, he put the sword down, took the magic axe, and proceeded to slay the beast. But when the next dragon arrived, even bigger this time, and the princess wanted to help out of the purest love, the Knight, instead, decided to just go to the local pub, get drunk and go and save another princess.”

You see, women actually don’t control you. They love you. And care about you. And yes, they do all these little things that piss us off – namely, how to do whatever we’ve been doing before without their advice – out of sheer love. You see, most men want to make their own decisions, and constant nagging makes us feel bad. So love us a bit differently – a coffee and sex works wonders! And men: understand that women have no need of controlling you, they know that we’re strong and awesome, so don’t worry about that. But yeah, this takes a while to set in. Also – very closely related to this is the next thing!

5. There are no psycho bitches.

Only assholes have such.

Yes, this one’s personally hard to admit. But, unless people are seriously weird, mostly it’s…ehh…your own fault. Oskars once asked me: “Why is it so, that when you split up with someone they become such assholes? Or when you’re long in a relationship?” Why, my friend, and i’m as sad and dumb as you on this one, because you were an idiot.

If you think about it, like i said, people aren’t that irrational. And most crazed women become such, because a) they love you and b ) you have fucked something up. Terribly. You see, trust is of extreme importance. If one of you does something terribly idiotical (and being drunk while doing that, just makes that worse) chances are, that you’ll be treated a bit differently, until the wounds heal. Of course, that is no reason why to burn good books and blame me for doing cocaine, but like i said – unless people are really weird. And i’m pretty sure that i’ve had my own fair share of relationship-induced madness as well.

This means, that there are people in the world, who think that i am a control freak, useless vagabond, a lousy bastard and…guess what, psycho bitch drama queen with issues. It’s fair, i guess – and just proves that you, again, shouldn’t blame other people for your own fuck-ups. Just…don’t do that again, ok?

4. People can know what other people want. Seriously.

And more, if you'll let me...


It’s not that hard, really.

Mel Gibson and that movie has done a great deal of damage. No, men are not that simple. No, women are not that hard. No, nobody expects others to read their thoughts. A bit of listening does just fine. (So says the man with no empathy, therefore it must be true! But really, if I can know what other people want, so can YOU! Flabbergasting! Stupendous! Marvelous!!!) There is a whole industry dedicated to know exactly what people want, and selling this information to others. Businesses run on it. Surely, you can do that too! And no, when she says that you should decide where to go, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a preference, she wants you, you indecisive fuck, to MAKE A GODDAMN DECISION for once. And stand by it. And when men say they don’t care about something, they do so, because in unimportant matters, they want to please their women. It’s that simple.

Like i mentioned earlier, here’s the answer to all of your relationship needs: Think about what you want from a relationship. Add more niceness. Add more trying hard. Add flowers. Give that to someone. Because, really, we all want someone to tell us we’re special, and we all want to make someone else feel special because of us. And that’s what we do. (Except flowers – i’ve never received flowers on a date, and, frankly, a beer would do much better! 😀 )

3. People are NOT chronic liars.

Only on weekdays. On saturdays & sundays i'm also a murderer.

Yeah, sure – all humans lie now and then. Yet – the paranoia has gone too far. Remember X-Files? Malder’s password – trustno1. We’re taught that by the day. Magazines tell us that men cheat, and women tend to spot a cheating bastard in every last one of us. Men don’t trust them just as much, suspecting that they’re not telling something/telling the complete opposite of what they really want. We’ve been ruined, spoiled and taught not to trust people.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is fucked up and wrong. If you’re building a relationship, then trust each other. Let go of the damn paranoia! It does more harm than good! “But Torq”, you can say. “how will being naive help me?” And i have to reply: who said anything about naivety? Trusting people and being naive are two completely different things. And there’s wisdom in separating them. Of what use will be your possible relationships, if you’re afraid to tell something to your significant other, and choose to lie instead? Even the small things count. Don’t lie. Ever. And always expect the other person is completely true about whatever they’re saying, even if what they’re saying is sounding like complete bullocks. There is no other way.

That being said, there’s one wise quote from that stoic russian, who’s book i read lately: “If your woman is cheating you, she’s not your woman anymore. And why would you want someone else’s woman?”

2. People don’t live on love alone. They also need money. To pay bills. And we all want it to be otherwise.

But money is pretty important still...

This one just HAS to be split in two parts, because, and i’m deeply cynical on this issue, money tends to ruin things. A lot.

From the woman’s perspective, it is understandable that a richer man is preferred over one who’s poor. And not because women enjoy all the shiny things – sure they all do, but that’s not the whole point – but because in our society, money equals power. Having money, means you have a job. Having a job means that you’re a responsible person, who can keep a job. Also, smart people, in general, tend to have more money than dumb people, because they have better jobs. This works in the level of instincts, from the days when we were all running around with sharp sticks and beating up mammoths. So, women seek alpha males. To inform you, bottom feeders, an alpha male is not one who can pwn everyone in computer games, an alpha male is one, who can take care of a tribe. And not by force and/or tyranny, because that came later – an alpha male does that, because he’s the most capable person around, and he understands how and why he should do it. The egoistical, self-centered pricks were always the bottom feeders. That is a fact.

Grind this in your head: No woman wants to date a loser. Not because of what you’ll buy to her, but because a loser won’t be able to help her, if all hell breaks loose.

On the other hand, women of these times want and can earn their own money, and they are in no way handicapped. And most men work hard to get the said money. And yes, most men take you to places and buy you stuff, because that makes you feel better, thus making us feel better. (Magic formula: take care of her, and she’ll do the same to you) BUT that doesn’t mean we don’t have to pay for our bills, that we don’t need to eat and that we don’t need money to escape our daily routines. Also, men are more inclined to do stuff for women, who don’t ask them to do stuff for them. 😉 But, like i said before – unless we’re living together, and pooling our resources, don’t expect us to provide for your daily needs. Young students, even with jobs, usually aren’t that rich to keep doing that for prolonged periods of time. Of course, we can help in a pinch, BUT…if you want us to treat you equally, learn to be responsible yourselves as well.

1. And the most important thing about relationships that people do wrong is: People forget that others are people too.

Bad boys get all the girls. But true ladies are reserved for gentlemen.


Serge Gainsbourg wasn’t a prettyboy shining wampire from a crappy movie. He. Was. A MAN! Just look at all the emotion, vibrating from this picture! They manage to look absolutely badass AND totally in love at the same time! Now, THAT’S what i call a perfect couple fotoshoot!

There is a reason why i am a steampunk/victorian fan, with a slight obsession with the 50’s. Because these days, with all the libertarians, marching around, with all the subcultures and whatnot…people have forgotten that there are some things more important than running around and making sure that everyone agrees to your political/religious/whatever views, and have become extremely agressive while doing so. And most women are trying really, really hard to be better men than men themselves, forgetting that it is women, proper ladies (who cares if they’re from the Spanish-looking southern type or St. Petersburg Russian-looking type) whom we want. And such women want a proper gentleman by their sides. Not that everyone has to return to tophats, albeit, i like my fedora oh-so-much, and i support the idea that real men wear hats, but it’s fully optional.

Just get the right attitude, and i’m speaking about both of the sexes here. Accept the flaws, be humans, be men, be gentlemen both in public, be polite in everyday lives and be sex gods in bed, be women, be ladies in public, be caring in private and like whores in bed! People are nothing but people. I’m pretty sure that everyone who’s been in a relationship for a time, longer than a year, will have to agree.

Except, of course, those few people who never agree to anything, because that makes them cool & awesome, and much better than me. And let them. I’m not even trying to compete with them for women. I’ve no need to. 😉

Ladies. *Bows, and takes off the hat* and Gentlemen. *Shakes hand.* ’till next time. I’m sure i haven’t told you anything new.

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Recently, i saw a comic in deviantart, that inspired me somehwhat. (Sadly, i didn’t save it, and i can’t find it again -_-) It was about this kid’s book writer/artist who just listed the things he cannot do. So, to study my own limits, i decided to make a list on my own. Just to make sure – this information means, that those are the things you are not allowed to ask me to do. Otherwise, random fun. 🙂

10. I can’t write erotic fiction.

I tried, guys, seriously. Once. I was forced to. Lead heroes were Viesturs & Ilona (yeah, now it sounds stupid, but a while ago, i knew only one viesturs and one ilona)  It sounded dumb as hell, and had no connection with real life whatsoever. (Not that THAT was a problem to erotic fiction writers -_-) The real problem with the thing was that i tried to make sense with it. In my humble opinion, literary medium isn’t a great carrier of the sensations of the carnal kind. Nyah. Or maybe, it’s just me. At least, i haven’t tried (and never will) writing an erotic fan fic of twilight, where Bella dies, and i’m stuck in her place. Or, even worse, a Harry Potter erotic fanfic, where the lead heroine gets banged by mr. Malfoy. I know people who have, and they should be ashamed of themselves.

9.  I can’t play MMO’s.

We all have those friends who’re just playing wow. Quite likely, YOU play wow. Or darkfall. Or WAR. Or EVE. Or Atlantis. Or…whatever, really. I’ve been told that MMO’s are fun. I’ve tried a few. A lot, let’s be honest – mr. Oskars Toms is a convincing speaker, and while i lived at his place, we had to do something together. But still, i cannot be bothered to level up because of leveling up – like i’ve said to people around me – DotA (and now, LoL, HoN and stuff like that is just ruining that, by becoming actual MMO’s) is the best MMO experience. You do the same grinding, but you can – get this – WIN! Yes, you can finish the game! How awesome is that? Otherwise, all MMO’s feel like hard work – and i have one already, thank you. -_-

8. I can’t eat eggplants.

When i was a child, my mother used to make those. Or so i’ve been told, because i don’t know my mother that well. I don’t know my reaction back then, but if offered any today, i’d rather use them as shooting practice targets. These things are like cucumbers that taste awful. They look awful. Heck, everything about them is awful! Once i got offered a lasagna with these, instead of meat – and i can’t exactly recall where i hid the body of that damn cook.

7. I can’t watch romantic movies.

Hell, forget the movies! I have issues with your ordinary sitcom romantic misunderstanding scenes even! Books are easier, yet quite hard as well. I don’t know why, but when i see people get emotional on the screen, i want to hide in the darkest closet possible, and ignore the damn thing. This stuff is scary, and irritates me. Not to say that i think that they’re bad movies, no – it’s just that i get a physical, very real feeling of awkwardness and irritation. And that IS strange, considering the fact that i like romance i real life, and i consider that being a nice, romantic fellow and taking proper care of the ladies is one of the things a man must do, to even call himself that way. But i’ll rather keep my movies philosophical and/or scary.

6. I can’t listen to The Beatles.

You’ll hate me for this one, but i, in all seriousness, state that The Beatles are crap. They sound the same in almost every song i’ve heard, they’re overrated and John Lennon was a hypocritical hippie pothead with less talent than a dead cow. (with a single exception of “Yellow Submarine” which is the only song i like from them) When someone puts on “Yesterday” i honestly want to puke. I enjoy the classics, really – i like Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin…but, bloody hell, these guys aren’t worth the hype. At least, my ears think so. But then again, quite probably they screwed my sense of taste in the asylum. 🙂

5. I can’t forget my ex-girlfriends.

I’ll start by saying that this is one of the few non-porn, non-celebrity pictures that you get, by googling “ex-gf”. Don’t punch me, i don’t relate to the guy. Now, on to the issue: I’ve been together with a person, we’ve shared an emotional bond. Then, the emotional bond severed for a reason. That doesn’t mean they are bad people. Now, other things might mean that they are bad people, but not the single fact that we’ve split up. I don’t compare them (i know you, women, hate that), i don’t judge what they do now (because who am i to judge), it’s just that if they’d call me right now, and ask me for help, i would do that. I cannot forget them, as i feel they’ve all made me a better person somehow – and to that end, i name my WH40K tanks in the names of my ex-gfs.  This part of the blog probably means i’ll never get a girlfriend again, lol.

4. I can’t quit smoking.

Mark Twain has said: “Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.” – and he is so right. I am a smoking addict, i admit that. I don’t smoke because it’s cool, i don’t smoke because it calms me – i smoke because it feels good when i do, and it feels really, REALLY bad when i don’t. I’d need a really good reason to quit such as, getting married and having a baby – and i haven’t planned on doing so, at least for a couple of years. So, for now, i cannot quit smoking.  And i don’t even want to.

3. I can’t write in Russian.

To foreigners this might make as much sense as saying: “I can’t write Swahili” but it is quite strange, knowing my position. I learned to speak/read Russian, while sleeping at a hospital, with pneumonia, back when i was in 1.st grade. There are a lot of Russians in Latvia, and it’s much like French in Canada. Except it’s not official. Because we’re a small nation, and we have to protect our language. So, anyway – i can do whatever else is needed in Russian, and i often translate things from Russian to Latvian for my work. Heck, i’ve even repeated formal grammar in the last few months. It’s just that cyrillic hates me, and the feeling is mutual. It takes me forever to write anything on my keyboard in Russian (and they all have cyrillic markings here), and it’s worse when i do it by hand. To the locals, especially Eva (Alice) – lately, i’ve improved my accent. Speaking almost only Russian with your boss does that to people.

2. I can’t smoke weed.

Yes, i’ve smoked marijuana a couple of times, just as almost everyone. No, it was not fun. First time, it made me vomit, and then i fell asleep, second time…well, second time i did a lot of stupid things, because NO i don’t enjoy random acts of stupidity, and the third time saw me paying fines to the police. Because i managed to get drunk as well. Also, i’ve seen what does weed do to people who smoke it often. People who say that it’s completely harmless are either blistering idiots or liars. I steer clear of illegal drugs. And i recommend that to everyone. If you want to reach a non-sober state of mind, use the good, old, completely-legal-if-you’re-over-18-(at-least-here)-and-comparatively-much-cheaper-alcohol. 🙂

1. And the thing i absolutely, positively can’t do: I can’t keep my mouth shut.

Whatever the reason, i can’t be quiet about the things i don’t like or agree with. Whenever i have an idea, which i consider to be important enough, i absolutely MUST tell to other people. And that has gotten me in a lot…let me paraphrase that, A HUMONGOUS STOCKPILE OF SHITLOADS LOT! trouble. Hell, i even write this blog to tell people the things which, in my opinion, they should know. I write stories as to make sure that my message goes out to the people in the most comprehensible way. And…now and then, i insult people, because some of them out there are really, too dumb to live. But they’re all nice folks nonetheless, while they don’t harm others with their stupidity. Then again, and that stunned me a lot, i am extremely shy in front of a select few. Because, again, when it comes to emotional matters, i might as well be a brick. :/

So, there you have it. At least, i know my own limitations. And now, you know them as well. You know any other things i can’t do? Maybe you want to write a list of things you can’t do? Knowing oneself is, quite probably, the most important thing to do with your life. Hope you enjoyed this blog. (Unlikely) If it made you think (Even more unlikely) – good for you! 🙂 Next time, back with a huge dose of humour and sarcasm. Have a nice day!

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A friend of mine told me that it’s impossible to forget people completely. I guess, it is true. Has been causing me some troubles the last few days. I still look at her picture, her frype profile now and then…stupid me. I have to learn to NOT care. That’s the best thing i can do right now, THAT should be my form of caring about how she lives her life. What hurt me was that she didn’t bother to reply to my christmas greeting. Was…painful. Made me think.  I had some hopes that we, one day, might get back together, but as of now, they’re only holding me back.

But enough of this whining! Spent a lot of time reading about sniper rifles. Turns out, the confirmed kill with the longest range was made at a distance of 2.47 kilomethers. The glorious sniper is Craig Harrisson, a british corporal. He was using  Accuracy International L115A3 rifle.

The gun uses .338 Lapua Magnum ammunition, (8.6x70mm) which is an anti-personnel round (although the description says that it has some, albeit limited, anti material capacity). It can penetrate better-than-standard military armor at a range of 1000 meters, and has a maximum effective range of 1750 meters. Now think about how that guy shot that taliban from 2470 meters. He hit him twice. Now, THAT’s a sniper.

My preferred rifle, however, is (‘doh) Barrett M107 – it’s a long range anti-material sniper rifle, which utilizes the larger .50 BMG ammunition. (12.7x99mm NATO) It looks just like drawn up there, in my header picture, and it has to be noted that this rifle physically cannot be fired oherwise but from a prone position. I imagine my girl firing Raufoss Mk 211 rounds. Those, ladies and gentlemen, are armor piercing (tungsten core), high-explosive, incendiary rounds. Basically, it penetrates the car you’re driving, explodes inside of it, and then, sets everything on fire. Logically, it is a very popular round to be loaded in the Barrett m107 rifle.  (Which is basically the same as Barrett m82 rifle, except the m107 is military-grade and has some upgrades over the (almost) civilian m82 version.) It is debated wether this round is even legal to use on personnel targets – it actually has a lower chance to explode on impact on such targets, but it won’t matter when you’ll be hit by this:

Our Barrett fires the leftmost round. And then, it explodes – the radius isn’t very huge, but still, the metal shrapnel is flying around. And then, it covers everything with a Zirconium powder, which burns at a very high temperature, cannot be extinguished by water, and may burn up to 10 minutes. I have to mention here, that the longest-range kill was made with the bullet, just next to our .50 monstrosity. Now, imagine the recoil? That might be just a schoolgirl drawn there, but a ) in the picture, she’s firing from a kneeling position. In semi-auto mode. Without the bipod. She has the strenght of a space marine.

So, that’s about it. Sniper rifles are clearly more fun to think about than ex-girlfriends. Although, i love her still…and that…should change. I suppose. Goddamnit! Well, next time, i’ll talk about memory. It appears, that writing things down actually makes it worse. Time for some research, but until then – how should i call my angel of death? 😀

 

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